You Know You're a __________ Fan If...

Last year I did a little segment on another website called "You Know You're a ___________ Fan If...", and I basically listed all of the teams and wrote a few words about something that has do to with their favorite team. It was a hit, being read by about 4,000 people. Since we had a lot of problems with the old website and I had to make a new one, I lost a lot of my old readers and writers (I now have only 2 people contributing besides myself; I used to have 7), therefore it's only right to assume that this years edition won't be seen by as many people. Who knows, maybe by the time next August rolls around and I do another one of these I will have more than the 300 or so thousand people who visited my old website.

Alright, I'll stop wasting your time now. The list is below. Most of these are true or at least very likely. Stuff in parentheses are my own side inputs.

You Know You're a ________ Fan If...

Anaheim: SELANNE'S BACK!!!
Boston: It's Tuukka's net now
Buffalo: Ryan Miller showed flashes of brilliance last year that he has to follow up on
Calgary: We need to win one for Iggy
Carolina: We are going to dominate the Southeast Division this year
Chicago: Ugggh... still stuck with Crawford and Emery
Colorado: Landeskog and Duchene will get us back to the playoffs
Columbus: Lets just say I accidentally skipped a team
Dallas: Jamie Benn is a great player that will lead our team to wins
Detroit: It's up to Smith to replace Lidstrom (Is it even possible to handle that pressure?)
Edmonton: Wow. The Cup is more or less ours in a few years.
Florida: We don't need Jason Garrison. Brian Campbell can get a rock that many goals.
Los Angeles: We are going to repeat (not unlikely at all)
Minnesota: Parise... Suter... PLAYOFFS
Montreal: Price, Subban, Pacioretty, Galchenyuk, and a bi-lingual coach... almost a playoff team again
Nashville: It doesn't matter that we lost Suter, Weber is the one we really care about
New Jersey: We have players that can replace Parise (Kovalchuk is the only one that comes close)
New York Islanders: Tavares is just getting better with time
New York Rangers: Lets start organizing our Cup parade (4-1 odds to win this year; highest in NHL)
Ottawa Senators: While Karlsson is getting better, Spezza and Alfredsson are getting older
Philadelphia: We really got screwed with defensemen this off-season
Phoenix: We lost some people*, but Mike Smith will be good again (only time will tell)
Pittsburgh: A healthy Crosby and Malkin and we are unbeatable
San Jose: Niemi is overrated and Jumbo Joe is running low on time
St. Louis: A healthy Perron and a top of the Western Conference finish
Tampa Bay: A new goalie and some guy named Steven Stamkos might help us do better this year
Toronto: Phil Kessel needs to find consistency in his offensive production
Vancouver: Luongo's finally not starting... ginger, do your thing
Washington: Lost Semin's attitude, and hopefully Ovechkin will return to form under Adam Oates
Winnipeg: Our biggest off-season move was Zach Bogosian changing his jersey number...

*Still waiting to see what happens with Shane Doan